


The Dandelion's Rain

by DarkEyedDreamer



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Rain, it was originally based on a he is we song, song fic kind of, storm fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 05:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7788727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkEyedDreamer/pseuds/DarkEyedDreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil wants to confess his love to Dan, he really does. But right now it's raining outside and Dan is on a date with a pretty girl in a polka dotted dress and Phil feels like it's really pointless to say anything about it now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dandelion's Rain

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write but with no good idea's so I edited (ahem- completely rebuilt) an old unpublished work of mine from when I was like fourteen.

Phil was sitting on the couch, watching the window as the glass wept. Not simply a drop, but hundreds all at once sounding in what could almost be a harmony only to be interrupted by the thunders deep shouts. Phil was sure that on most other days he wouldn't have described the rain this way. Like windows crying and thunderous shrieks. He wasn't usually the type. Most days the rain would be a shower for the dandelions in the garden their neighbor had planted last spring. The lightning would be dancers moving in unison across the sky, the thunder their applause. He had never been afraid of storms because he was always too enveloped in the beauty of them. But right now their beauty seemed to be nothing but sadness, and Phil knew that was perspective of the soul, but he didn't want to admit it to himself.

Had this been a day when the rain had been a shower, he would be making tea right now. He preferred coffee himself, but he would make warm tea for Dan and him to drink, nestled under a mountain of blankets as they binge watched TV series because the rainy days were the best time for it. But right now, Phil was alone. The TV was silent, and there was no warm beverage on the stove waiting for him. 

Dan was on a date.

The thought of it was enough to bring a sharp stabbing feeling through Phil's stomach, hard enough to make him think he was going to be sick. The girl had seemed lovely, when she came to the door. A red jacket over a white and black polka dotted dress. She had not seemed annoyed with Dan's decision to wear all black, it had become a style for him and Phil was sure the girl would be getting used to it if she stayed long. He wished he remembered her name. He hoped, childishly, that it was an ugly name. A name that made ears think of nails on chalkboard. A name that was easy to hate.

Truth be told, he didn't hate her. It would have been hard to. It wasn't in his nature and truly, she had done nothing to him. That she was aware of, at least. She could not help that her rosy cheeks and nice eyes had been alluring to Dan. That she had happily accepted when he had asked her for dinner sometime. Phil remembered the smile on Dan's face when he had told his roommate. He didn't want to think of it, which he supposed was enough of an answer on whether or not he loved Dan. Of course he loved Dan.

He had been in love with the younger boy for as long as he could recall, and though he tried some nights, he could not pinpoint a moment when it had become apparent to him. Was it on the London Eye when Dan had leaned over Phil attempting to wave to the passing people below them? Or the first night he had stayed over at Phil's house? Had it been even before they'd met officially? Some days Phil thought he knew, but he didn't think he would ever be sure. Maybe he didn't fall in love with Dan all at once, like in the movies. Maybe it was like drop by drop, like the rain making a puddle. Or an ocean.

He knew he couldn't blame Dan for going out with someone. It hurt, yeah, but Dan had no idea of Phil's feelings. How could anyone be expected to be aware of your feelings if they didn't know you had them? Phil had thought about telling Dan. He did. So many times. But every time he thought up the right words, like a line of poetry falling from his tongue, they fell too flat. He began to worry that Dan would be upset. Or that his best friend would try to spare his feelings with that look of pity in his eyes that one would see over a wounded dog. Phil imagined that eventually he would get around to telling Dan. But he never had the perfect chance. He supposed they probably didn't exist. And any half-way decent chances had long ago been missed.

Phil couldn't help but wonder if the polka dotted girl- Phil would need to remember her name if she began coming around more- would be good enough for Dan. Part of him (the selfish part) insisted she wouldn't, that Dan wouldn't be happy with a girl who knew nothing about him, but a part that knew better said she would. He didn't want to hear that part of his head, he couldn't tell if the words were made up of anxiety or dreary recognition. 

He wanted Dan to walk right in through the door and say that was the worst date of his life. Phil would nod his head and turn on the TV. They would watch Netflix all night and Phil would make tea, the rain would seem less sad. Dan could put the night out of his mind, chalk it up as a bad experience that he probably shouldn't attempt to relive anytime soon. Maybe as a sign that first dates shouldn't be met at a Starbucks over a wrong order (the one time Phil hadn't gone with him, he should have edited the video later. He could have gone). But Phil knew that wasn't going to happen. Dan was going to come home with a smile on his face as if he had held a star in his hands, as all new relationships start out. He would chat about how amazing she looked, how her eyes were so pretty and how even the simple things she had done seemed like Dan was learning them all over through different eyes. Because that was how love felt. Phil knew from experience.

Phil then wondered if she would appreciate what she had. Dan was definitely something worth appreciating. Would she look at him and know each and every time that she had something worth keeping, like Phil always had? Would she try to understand how Dan feels when he was having an existential crisis, try to explain to him that just because they were little specks in the world didn't mean that life was pointless. 

Would she watch the way he moved when he walked, take note that his hips swayed when music was playing, but otherwise his shoulders slouched as if he was attempting to shrink. Would she try to show him he didn't need to shrink? Would she always get that rush when he hugged her and their cheeks brushed against each other for that single moment in time, or would she eventually grow used to it? Phil was sure he'd never get used to that fluttery feeling. He would never get used to Dan.

-

It was another hour before Dan came home, soaked from the rain and his wet hair was starting to retain the curly form that the brunet hated, always making an extra effort to straighten away even when he wasn't going anywhere. Phil had always loved it, but the praise seemed to fall on deaf ears. He briefly wondered if Miss Polka Dot would ever have the pleasure of seeing it. Phil hoped not.

"Phil? I'm back." Dan said from the doorway, although Phil had already seen him. Had already been waiting for him.

"How did it go?" Phil asked when he finally managed to catch his breath. He pushed away the part of him hoping it went all wrong, even the thought of him holding her was enough to break his heart. Dan was his best friend. He wanted Dan to be happy.

Dan smiled. "Okay. We had a lot of fun." He said cheerfully. "The rain kind of messed up the whole beach thing but it turned out alright." He said, retreating to the bathroom to get a towel.

When he came back he'd been reduced to his boxers and his hair was slightly less wet, undoubtedly from the towel in his hands. The sight of him made Phil want nothing more than to run over there and kiss him senseless; but he couldn't make himself move. He knew in his heart if he did something like that it would ruin everything, and he'd rather have Dan as a friend than as a memory. Even if it killed him inside he'd remain silent. As he'd done for years.

After a few moments Phil realized Dan had been staring at him intently, and Phil blushed when he realized Dan had asked him a question and he'd been too busy staring to hear him. "What?" He asked innocently, hoping Dan hadn't noticed.

"Are you alright? You seem a bit off, are you sick?" Dan asks him again. Was Phil imagining it or was there a hint of worry in Dan's tone? _Of course he's worried, he's your friend._ Phil mentally scolded himself on the hope that rose in his chest.

"Yeah I'm fine, just a bit tired. I think I'll go to bed soon." Phil replied too quickly, lying through his teeth. At least it gave him an excuse to leave before he made more of an idiot out of himself.

Dan looked defeated at the idea, letting out a discontent sigh. "I thought we could play Sonic for a while or something." He said with hesitance, and Phil couldn't help but give in to those chocolate brown eyes.

"Maybe just a game." Phil responded after a moment of debate, to which staying with Dan won over even when it shouldn't have. Dan grinned, and that smile made looking like a fool seem less bad.

'Maybe just a game' ended up turning into three hours, consisting mostly of yelling from Dan, and a lot of loss of focus from both parties, considering whenever one was playing it became the other's goal to ruin their streak. There was a tremendous amount of laughter from both boys.

As the night drew on into the beginnings of dawn, Phil realized with a sickening dread that these days were probably numbered.

-

Phil laid in bed that night and stare at the ceiling wishing he had told Dan during that time. He'd had the opportunity again and again in the past few hours but did nothing about it. He wished (not for the first time) that he had the guts to just walk up and kiss Dan and sort out the mess he'd made afterward. If he kissed Dan, he was sure he'd be happy. Nothing else would matter at the moment the two were kissing. Or maybe that was another movie rumor.

Of course, there would be problems after the kiss ended; such as explaining himself, but he would get to that when it came to it. Maybe Dan would feel the same way. Maybe he'd feel a spark like Phil is sure he himself would. Maybe they might actually have a chance as more than friends. Maybe... just maybe, Phil could tell Dan and he'd feel the same.

That hope made Phil smile. For a moment he was content with the daydream. But then he remembered the girl. And that if he wanted to tell Dan he needed to do if before their wedding day. Before Dan moved out and moved on. 

He realized that he was knocking on Dan's door, although he didn't remember getting out of bed. A determination that was not new to Phil was filling his chest, aching for him to do something. This time, he intended to. Dan opened the door, and Phil was grateful that his roommate never seemed to sleep. 

"Phil? What is it?" He asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

All the hope and confidence from moments before faded away in one quick moment as the raven haired man realized how stupid this plan really was. And just like that it seemed to fall under the pattern which every attempt already had. Failure. 

He became a stammering mess, as per usual. Hating every extra syllable to words that didn't need them, and wishing the word 'um' had not been a part of the words he'd learned to say. Finally, the words came out, butchered, but understandable. "What if I were to say, I liked you?"

He barely managed to get the words out and he suddenly felt heat running up his cheeks, feeling very stupid at the moment. After all the poetry he'd managed to read thinking only of Dan, every word which conveyed so beautifully the words that seemed so jumbled up to Phil, he'd managed to turn his confession into a riddle. How very smooth. He thought that his friends from Uni would not be that surprised.

He didn't think that Dan would laugh. His best friend would never do something like that to anyone, he was far too kind. And he knew that Phil would never say those words jokingly, so he knew his friend would not react with disbelieving. So rather than wait for the laughter or the question of clarification, he waited for a look of sympathy. A flicker of emotion in his eyes that would let Phil know that Dan was probably picturing Phil as a stray kitten who needed a home and a flea bath, or a flower in a sidewalk that was never going to survive. Something that you look at and wish you could help. Something that you wish you could spare from the pain.

Phil was waiting for the firing squad, only his bullets would be words fired off from a tongue that didn't want to shoot in the first place. Yet they would make direct contact, putting bullet holes through his chest and tear his heart to shreds.

But the shots never came. Instead Dan slowly started to smile. "I'd ask why you didn't say so sooner." He replied, sounding just as awkward as Phil did, but what else would he expect? So he started to laugh instead, relief in the sound.

And then, before either of them could realize entirely that they had just changed everything, they were kissing. Phil pulling Dan impossibly closer and tasting every one of those unshot bullets. Trying to convey unshared words that he had wished he'd said sooner. In return Dan silently spoke of all the wasted time they'd gotten, and all the future they would use to make up for it. As new love blossomed, it always blossomed with promises. And Phil vowed he would keep every promise that he kissed upon Dan's skin.

When the two finally pulled away, Dan looked at him, slightly dazed and totally awed. 

Later, they would have to deal with questions. But right now, Phil was standing in Dan's doorway, looking at Dan's kiss-plumped lips, holding him so close that he was almost nervous of whether or not he could breathe, but there were no complaints. Tonight was not for those questions. So instead, they listened to the sound of the rain, still tapping gracefully along the window panes. The neighbors garden would have a lot to soak in tonight.


End file.
